Saturday, January 19, 2013

I just want to shut myself off from the world. Everything seems complicated. The older you get, the more you have to think and do something about your life or maybe people expect you to be like that or maybe it's just the way it is. And then, here's the worse part, the more you will have to deal with people. I'm better off thinking and doing something about my life but dealing with people is just not my thing. I'm an introvert for as long as I can remember. And I don't think it will ever change. I'm not into socializing and I'm not after befriending every people I meet. But here's something I'm proud of, I have a few friends...very few, but I know that with them I found genuine people who know and understand me. I miss them. But right now, I just have to live my life in solitude. My life has been amazing, definitely amazing but I think I am here at this point where I need to take a breather and just free myself from worries about the future, about what I would do, and about other people. Speaking of which, I hope I would be spared from people asking me about my plans. There's no explaining to do because I don't owe them one.

Also, from now on, I'll be changing my perception about myself being a "princess in waiting." I'm not a princess waiting for my prince anymore. I've been holding on that belief for a long time. I still believe in true love but I will not spend my entire life waiting for that one special person. I don't care if he comes along or not. I am no longer a princess because from the start I've always been a fighter. I've been through a lot of battles. Some, I am victorious. Some, I failed. Some, I retreated. Some, I am still preparing to.

Whatever lies ahead, I just leave it up to fate because for now, all I want is to shut myself off from this world.

Thursday, January 3, 2013

Twenty Six

Finally, after several nights of going home late (or in other words: in the wee hours of the morning after all the labworks & paperworks),  I am now sitting here in my room on a Thursday night, on the eve of my birthday. Tomorrow's going to be my 26th year on this planet. Yes, you read it. Twenty six. Is it just me or time really flies fast? I just couldn't believe it. Where should I put it then? Past mid-twenties or maybe last phase of mid-twenties. Oh well, at least it's still in the range of mid-twenties.

Of all my birthdays, this is probably the one where I can say I look and feel old. The past few days, whenever I looked at myself in the mirror, I couldn't help but see some physical signs of "being old" - crow's feet, wrinkles, acne marks, dull skin, and sometimes, tired eyes. Or maybe, instead of using the term being old, I'll just have to use "being mature". No doubt I am no longer in that awkward, teenage part of growing up. I have grown into an independent, strong, mature woman. I think it's safe to say that I have accomplished many things already (finishing in one of the top universities in my country, working in an international research center, and living and studying in a foreign land), yet there are still a lot to be done. There are still dreams to be reached and desires of the heart to be filled. One thing remains the same. I am and will always be grateful to God. For all the blessings, for all the challenges and obstacles, for all the mistakes and lessons learned, for every single moment of my existence...

For this year, I pray for COURAGE. Courage to do things I have always wanted to do. Courage to  explore and try new adventures. Courage to love. Courage to sing and dance in the music called life.

"You can't just sit there and put everyone's lives ahead of yours and think that 
counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things."
-Sam, The Perks of Being A Wallflower

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