Sunday, June 5, 2016

A Work In Progress

Life has been pretty much stagnant lately. Though there were a few adventures, when I look at personal accomplishments, there's pretty much nothing at this point in time. I used to think that being in late twenties equates to being successful in the field that we're in. We already surpassed the early career stage. Almost a decade has gone by after graduating from the university and quoting Mace from the movie That Thing Called Tadhana (Translation of Tadhana: Destiny), "Aren't we supposed to be great by this time?" Whether you're 28, 29, or 30, we're supposed to be doing great things already. But looking closely, the reality is different. Life doesn't always happen the way we want it. Or maybe, we're just too eager for LIFE to happen. We forget that sometimes, we need to be patient and wait...well, not just wait. We need to have focus and work hard.

I am already 29. Expectations include being on top of my career as a scientist and being in a relationship with someone and eventually marrying him and starting a family. Reality is being a researcher struggling to get into a PhD program and living a life of singleness/singlehood whatever term you call it. Forgive me if I'm being so negative here but that is the truth. I'm also struggling with anger management. I hate to admit but recently, I feel that I'm VERY quick-tempered. When a problem or misunderstanding arises, it doesn't matter who I'm with, whether family or friends or people I don't even personally know, I will get angry and show it in the worst possible way. I'm having a hard time controlling my emotions. And honestly, I don't know what will happen if I tried suppressing them. I just have to get those emotions out of my system. The end result? Hurting other people's feelings and realizing that I should've not done that. I should've handled the situation in a proper way, in a way an adult deals with it.

However, I don't want to punish myself for being like that. I want to change. I want to learn how control my anger. I want to learn how to voice out my side without being aggressive. Also, I want to focus on my goals and achieve them, one by one, slowly but surely.

I want to be better.

I may not be the person I'm expecting to be at this age and time but I'd like to think that I'm a work in progress.

I'll be ending this self-reflection/rambling with these lines (again from the movie That Thing Called Tadhana ):
Mace: To the great people we could have been.
Anthony: Parang ayaw ko naman yatang mag-cheers dyan. (Translation: Looks like I'm not agreeing with that.)
Mace: To the great people we are today.
Anthony: Sinungaling. (Translation: Liar.)
Mace: To the great people we will be?
Anthony: To the great people we will be.
YES! TO THE GREAT PEOPLE WE WILL BE!

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