Scrambling In Life

Lately I can't help but feel down. Self-pity has taken its hold on me. It seems like nothing "big" is happening in my life. I wake up in the morning, go to work, return to my dorm in the afternoon, sleep. Then, the cycle goes on again the next day. I feel like I'm stuck in this mundane way of living. But I have to admit, this is way better than not having a job at all.

A few months ago I was very enthusiastic about where my life is heading. I was confident of pursuing PhD somewhere in the United States. I was busy searching for schools and the requirements needed. And then one day, I just felt tired browsing all those university sites. The enthusiasm was gone. There were even times I was asking myself if I have what it takes to go to PhD.

Then, the thought of going to med comes to mind. But nah, I have to shrug it off. I'm already twenty six and it feels like too late. My batchmates have graduated already and are now preparing for their board exam while I, on the other hand, is still thinking of the possibility of becoming a doctor.

There are still  a lot of things that I want to do - travel the globe, explore different cultures, meet lots of people, take tons of pictures, fall in love, get married, have three children, and the list goes on.

I was even depressed comparing my life to those people I know who are living their lives to the fullest (based on what I see in their Facebook). At the end of the day, I am feeling weary and exhausted of thinking of all the possibilities in life but realizing that there's no concrete direction.

However, I got a meaningful answer this afternoon. I attended the mass and the homily talks about Martha who was so busy preparing things when Jesus arrived while her sister, Mary, was just on the Lord's feet, listening to him (Luke 10:38-42).

The priest reminded everyone that

"You get so caught up preparing in life, you forget to spend time with God."

I have to say, it certainly feels like God is directly talking to me, answering my questions, helping me get through my situation, making me realize that amidst all my problems, the most important thing is still my relationship with God.

Though I am still unsure of where my life is going, I am faithful that God will enable me to discern His plans for me; that at the right time, the path He has laid down on me will be uncovered.

Have a blessed week ahead everyone!

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Luke 10:38-42

38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him.39 She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. 40 But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

41 “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, 42 but few things are needed—or indeed only one.[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Source)

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