Heartbroken

 This year is really something and a lot has happened since I last wrote an entry here. There were good and memorable times, however, recently, I've been spending one of the hardest days of my life.

How do you handle having your heart broken?

How do you continue living your life while at the same time letting go of someone you love even though you still have feelings for him?

How do you convince yourself to stop loving him?

How do you start all over again?

Heartbreak is a complex process. The past days and until now, my emotions were all over the place. I was hurting so bad. There were times where I feel angry. There were moments where I was just engulfed with sadness. There were times where I was questioning myself over and over again of the "what ifs". It's been a week now and to be honest, I don't know when this will end. Sometimes, I feel like I'm getting crazy already. (But geez, isn't it amazing how our brain can handle all those complex emotions?)

My only distraction now is work. Good thing, I have the weekdays to go to the institute and continue doing my experiments. For the first time, work has become therapeutic. But at the end of the day, when I am just alone, all those feelings flood back again. 

I don't care anymore if I will still find someone who will love me, all I want is to be able to get through this hurting and live a life where I feel happy and contented, even if I'm just on my own.