Note to self and to others who are in the same boat

image source here

Reflections

In just a month and two weeks time I'll be turning twenty nine. Seriously, why does time fly so fast? The end of the year, the start of a new one, and of course my birthday always bring me to reflect about my life and the year that was.

2015 has gone by without so much "fireworks" or major breakthroughs. I am still here, stuck in my plans to pursue graduate studies. Still searching for programs, for schools, for scholarships... I feel like I've already devoted so much time researching programs and universities but I'm still back to square one. Yes, I've already taken the TOEFL and GRE (this I will take again next year) but it's still a long way to go.

Sometimes it can be disappointing and depressing. Other times, I just feel completely exhausted. If there's one thing I learned, it's that looking for a graduate program is not as easy as ABC. Everyday I wake up with grad school application as the first thing in my mind. You'll never know that struggle until you're in that stage where you want so badly to pursue a PhD. Time is also a major factor, because whether I like it or not, I'm not getting any younger.

Another issue is the shift of research interest. All my life, I've been working in plant science but I've always wanted to be in the biomedical arena. If I'm not going to be a doctor (my childhood dream), might as well work in a field closest to it, the biomedical sciences. My ultimate goal is to discover a cure for neurodegenerative diseases, specifically Alzheimer's, and to see that cure change and improve the lives of the people affected with the disease. With the technology that we have, I'm confident that one day that goal will be achieved.

I know the competition is high, there are much more younger people who are more experienced than I am but I am determined to do everything it takes, even if I need to start with another MS degree again, just so I can get into that field.

So much is still going on in my mind right now but I guess I'll have to stop here.


image source here

Life These Days

In just a few days, it'll be the month of December. I know a lot of people are already excited about it but in my case, it's different. I am silently hoping that time would slow down because December would be the deadline for graduate school applications in the US (for the program that I want to take). I am looking at two universities but the sad thing is that the deadline for both is on the first week of December. I only have almost two weeks left. I really don't know if I can make it. Possibly not. But then again, there can be miracle. But with the situation I'm into right now, things just seem so bleak.

However, here's the good news. Remember the moment I was depressed with my unfortunate TOEFL experience (see post here)? Finally, I was able to take it last October 31. With the encouragement of my mom and with the looming application deadline, I finally took the courage and faced the exam. Results came and I have to say I'm happy with the scores that I got. Really thankful for all the prayers and support of family and friends, and for the sisters/nuns in the church in my hometown who prayed for me. Of course, this success would not have been possible without the grace of God and the guidance of the Holy Spirit.

On November 6, I took the GRE. I have to admit though that I wasn't prepared. I took it because I wanted to catch up with the application deadline. I have to take the risk. Either I will do good or not. But the GRE is not easy. Well, the questions are like high school/early part of college math but the thing is, you have to really refresh your mind with the lessons you had when you were in high school and that proved to be difficult, especially for me who wasn't able to review well. The verbal part is also difficult because some of the words used are like out-of-this-world! I was also kind of confused in the first question of the analytical writing so I probably didn't answer it correctly and completely. In short, I did not do good and it showed in my scores. What's worse is that the percentile rank is also included. Seeing it really makes me cry. Even now, just by writing, I feel like crying.

But yeah, life happens. And you can't always get what you want. You have to work hard for it. And work hard I will do. I am planning to take the GRE again. But this time, I'll definitely review well and refresh my mind with the math lessons, improve my vocabulary, and practice more with writing. Slowly but surely, I'll get that high GRE score and percentile rank.

I may not be able to meet the application deadline but one thing's for sure, I'll see you again GRE! I will see you and I will conquer you!

HCMC Day 1 (Part 2)

Been very busy these past few weeks but now, after such a long time, the continuation post is finally up! Writing this at this very moment brings back all the fond memories I had in Vietnam and helps brighten up an otherwise depressing Monday.

So let's go back that lovely day of 11th of October. Just across the Notre Dame Cathedral is the Central Post Office. You'll never miss it because it's a bright yellow-colored building. Aside from being a famous tourist destination, it still is a functioning post office. You can go there and mail some letters or post cards to your loved ones back home. But of course, me and my friend just took some pictures.

See those intricate carvings?

Inside, you can see the portrait of Ho Chi Minh, the Vietnamese Communist revolutionary leader who became prime minister and president of the Democratic Republic of Vietnam.

Seeing something familiar

One of the best things that I saw inside the building was this lovely couple sitting beside each other. The old lady seemed like writing something while the old man was looking at the interior of the building. The perfect picture of traveling and seeing the world together even though they're old. Hashtag relationship goals!

There are also some shops near inside the building selling a variety of colorful and beautiful souvenir items.

HCMC Day 1 (Part 1)

Traveling has always been one of the things I enjoy doing. And this year, me and my travel buddy spent the second week of October in Ho Chi Minh City, Vietnam.

Vietnam, like the Philippines, is a Southeast Asian country. So, it's pretty much the same when it comes to geographical location and climate (though the upper regions in Vietnam, such as Hanoi experiences four seasons). To be honest, I don't really have much expectation in this trip, except that I want to go there to de-stress and just forget about my problems even for just a few days. But Saigon has done more than that. Saigon has captivated my heart!

Note: The following will be full of details because when I go back to this post again in the future, I want to be able to read and remember as many details as I can.

We left Manila at 10:50 PM, October 10 and arrived in Ho Chi Minh City (HCMC) at 12:30 AM, October 11. It's a two and a half-hour flight (Manila is one hour ahead of HCMC). We were in a promo flight and usually promo flights are scheduled on the flights not taken by most people, e.g. wee hours of the night. We were fetched by the pick-up service from the hotel. One thing I noticed was that the driver (oops I forgot his name) was warm and friendly. He gave us bottled water, which was really nice, and told us common phrases used in Vietnam and their meaning, the coffee places to try, and gave us tips, e.g. avoid buying in the street vendors because they usually charge higher prices on the tourists. After a few minutes, we arrived at our hotel, Silverland Inn (see their website). Hopefully, I'd be able to write a post about the hotel because I really love our stay there. It's definitely a good choice and it's not that expensive.

After a good night's sleep, we were so ready to take on the world, err I mean HCMC!

Day 1 (October 11, 2015)

Whenever I make an itinerary, the places near the hotel are usually the ones scheduled on the first day. It's a plus that our hotel is located near the tourist spots in the city. Our first day began with a hearty and healthy breakfast - Vietnamese style, of course. I got my first taste of pho, which is so delicious! Will include a picture of that in my post/review about the hotel soon.

At past 9, with a full tummy, we started our journey!

So from the hotel going to Notre Dame Cathedral, here's the view.

Park Hyatt Saigon

Dong Khoi area

We passed by Dong Khoi, which I have to say is my favorite street in HCMC. It's an upscale area filled with fancy hotels and shops. And also, there's the Opera House. Here's a funny story, me and my friend took pictures in front of the Opera House, in that bike filled with native materials (picture above) without having an idea that it's already the Opera House. All along I was telling my friend we would go to the Opera House in the afternoon. And we just realized it's the Opera House when we passed by it again in the evening.

Saigon Opera House

me sitting happily and seeing all the beauty of HCMC

Ho Chi Minh City Hall

Notre Dame Cathedral

I absolutely love the simplicity of Notre Dame Cathedral. It's not that huge and it's not an imposing kind of establishment.

We're supposed to attend mass but we're late and by the time we're going inside, they're not accepting any more people so we just stayed outside. There were so many tourists and yes, as you can see in the picture below, it's common to see couples having photoshoot.

This was on the other side of the cathedral. So many were taking pictures here so when they all left, we just have to take our own "by the door" shot.

I still have a lot to include in Day 1 but I'll just reserve them in my next post.

Good night everyone! :)

Saigon ♥

Saigon, you have captivated my heart!

I have yet to get through and organize and select from all the pictures I have in this trip but for now let me share this video: A compilation of snippets from our wonderful four-day journey in Ho Chi Minh City (old name Saigon), Vietnam.

Note: Hand-held camera while walking. Excuse some shaky parts. Best viewed in 720p HD setting.

Saturday Shopping

Last Saturday (Sept. 26) I went to the city to meet with my friend, Shayne (aka my travel buddy) to discuss some important matters. We headed first to the DFA office for me to confirm if my passport has been released already. And yay! The officer told me it's already in LBC (the delivery service). Whew, felt like one stress gone. Then, we strolled and check out different shops because...GIRLS! Haha!

It's really nice that SM Megamall has the Fashion Hall catering different global brands, such as Uniqlo, Topshop, H&M, Bershka, Pull & Bear, Zara, etc. Since autumn season has officially started in other parts of the world, even though it's hot and humid here as alway, I'm glad I can feel the autumn vibe just by looking at the shops' displays.

Uniqlo

Bershka

Mango

Gap

Promod

I actually want to buy everything in Promod. I love their blouses, especially the boxy types (my signature blouse). They not only look good but when you run your fingers on the fabric, you can feel that the material is of good quality. But then again, as of now, I can't afford to spend thousands of pesos just for blouses. Maybe sometime in the future or when they're on sale.

Speaking of sale, H&M got lots of discounts that time so that's where I bought some stuff. And here they are:

dress, P599 P300

blouse, P899 P500

sandals, P1190 P700

I've already worn the sandals and they are so comfortable to walk with. And I also didn't get some painful sores in my feet. Wise buy indeed! Can't wait to wear the dress and the blouse soon.

Life Lessons: Learning From Mistakes

Yesterday, I was supposed to take the TOEFL exam. I've already registered last August, paid the $200 testing fee, reviewed for some time, booked a hotel for my overnight stay before the exam. Essentially, I was prepared. Or so I thought.

On the day of the test, as I was undergoing the usual checking of identification, the person in-charge told me that my passport was invalid (I renewed my passport two weeks ago, the old one was punched with holes already, the new one hasn't arrived yet) so she then asked me to present two government issued IDs. I gave her my UM-ID and she accepted it. However, my employee ID wasn't accepted and I don't have any more gov't issued IDs at hand. She then told me to just contact the ETS. In short, I wasn't able to take the test.

Numb. Lost for words. Unbelief. Those were the things that I felt. All along I was just thinking of the problems I would encounter in the test  - whether I would be able to answer correctly and completely in the different sections. But I wasn't prepared for what had just happened. Had I known that they were that strict, I would have done things differently. I should have not let the officer punched holes in my passport. Or maybe I should not have renewed my passport at all. I should have made sure I have all the other government issued IDs. I should have done this. I should have done that.

I went back to the hotel feeling defeated, disappointed with myself. I should have done a number of things but I haven't. It all boils down to me being so irresponsible. At that point in time, I just simply hate myself. I even felt that maybe studying in the US is not meant for me.

After sending an email to ETS, I called a number of people (two of my friends and my mom) because I just can't sit there the whole time, hating myself, sulking at what had just happened. I can't just take it all in. I need to let it out. And I'm thankful the people I talked to are so understanding, especially my mom. My mom has always been there for me. She has always supported me with my decisions. And with what happened, I felt like I've not only disappointed myself, I also let her down. But instead of blaming me, she told me that I should take it as a lesson and to not give up on my dreams. And in that moment, I know I'm the luckiest daughter to have a mother like her. I'm just so grateful to have a strong support system with my family and friends.

After that, I went to the lounge area in the 7th floor. It's a veranda where you can just sit and relax. The area is peaceful and very calming. And it's perfect to let all my emotions out. I sat there, staring at the vast open space, listening to some music, with tears falling from my eyes. Good thing there's nobody there (because what would they think of me? That I'm a drama queen?). Well, it's just nice to be there. I was able to clear my thoughts and kind of forgive myself.

the veranda that has witnessed my emo moment

Life is really full of surprises. There are times when things would not go as planned. There are times when you blame yourself. There are times when you hate yourself. But these are also the times you learn from your mistakes and realize the people who value and support you. And I just learned my lesson the hard way...at the expense of my forfeited $200 testing fee. But as what my mom told me, it's just money. I can still have it back. What's important is that next time, I would come to the testing center prepared (prepared with all the requirements and IDs in particular).

At the end of the day, I may feel defeated but I will definitely go on and carry on.

When life gives you lemons, you get to learn to make lemonades. =)

P.S. I will see you again TOEFL! I will see you and I will conquer you!