Sunday, March 2, 2014

Quarter Life Crisis (for the nth time)

There are good days but there are also bad days. As much as I wanted to make this blog a collection of happy thoughts, sometimes I just need to let out what I truly feel. I thought I was done with quarter life crisis. But last night, it hit me again. It hit me hard, I tell you.

My life is full of uncertainty. I thought by the time one reaches his late twenties, he has already figured out what he's going to do with his life - pursuing a promising career and building a family. My main goal is pretty simple: to have an impact in our society. But the roads leading to that are the ones that make me confuse. Until now I'm still not sure which one to choose. Either to 1) live and explore and study PhD in a place that I haven't been to or to 2) study medicine and become an inspiring and best doctor I could ever be.

It's hard to pursue both and there are conditions that I've set-up. If ever I become a scientist, I don't want to do research just for the sake of publication. I don't want to spend years and years of research just so I can publish in Nature or other top notch publications. I want to do research that can help people and improve their lives. And if ever I become a doctor, I don't want to treat people just for the sake of having a high income. I want to treat people because I want to help them. I've been in their shoes before, I know what it feels to be sick, and I'm just thankful for my doctors. And I want to do the same to others.

When the time comes that I have finally decided which one to pursue, I have to stand on my own and not rely on my parents for financial support. I don't want to burden them and exhaust all the money they worked all their lives at the expense of fulfilling my dream.

Another goal is, of course, to have a family of my own. I'm not getting any younger. Time is kind of running out. But sad to say I still haven't found that person who will love me and who is deserving of my love. You might say there are lots of fish in the sea but I don't want to settle for less. I want to be with the one God has destined for me. I want someone who is fears and loves God, responsible, hardworking, kind, and who respects me. An added bonus is if he has "good genes" to contribute for our future offsprings.

I'm still hoping that one day I'll be able to pursue my dreams and have a happy face the mirror and smile and tell myself, "You finally did it!"

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