Another Blow of Quarter Life Crisis

It comes and it goes. And it's too familiar...that feeling when everything around you isn't falling into place.

Not so long ago, I dreamt of becoming a doctor. But I've given up that dream and, instead, just focused my energy into getting into a PhD program. These past few months, I've been applying to several grad programs. However, until now, the odds aren't in my favor. I guess my background doesn't fit quite well with what I wanted to pursue. I guess nobody believes in my capabilities.

I guess I'm also starting to-- not believe in me.

Aside from that, I have also realized that for several years now, I've been praying for someone special to come into my life. Someone who will swept me off my feet. Someone who will love me. But I guess, that someone is in a faraway land. So far that it seems it's impossible for us to meet. Or maybe, that someone doesn't exist at all. Maybe some people have their love story, others don't. And I belong to the latter. Maybe it's time for me to stop wishing for that someone and to live my life just as it is.

I am one independent woman after all.

I know there are still a lot more people who had it worse. But being in this place - it's never easy.

Ho Chi Minh City Museum

This girl is in need of some travel adventures. So in the meantime, let's go back to my Vietnam trip, shall we?

We started the third day visiting Ho Chi Minh City Museum. On our way, we passed by Ho Chi Minh City Square. The night before, it was full of people (see post here) and in the morning after, it was a completely different sight.


It seemed like me and my friend we're the only ones in the square. So we took advantage and had some photos taken again. Haha! And aside from the peaceful atmosphere, I also observed how clean the area was even though there were lots of tourists and locals during the night. So, two thumbs up to the people assigned in maintaining the cleanliness of the square!

After a short walk, we arrived at the Ho Chi Minh City Museum. It was not that big (only two floors) but I had a great time checking the exhibits and learning the Vietnamese way of life during the olden times.

Vietnamese marriage ceremony

Outside the museum, there's a lovely garden. We stayed there quite a bit because, well, it's the perfect place to unwind and to rest our tired feet.

*all photos taken by me, the ones where I am included were taken by Shayne

On Grad School Applications (so far)

Hello March! Looks like 2016 is gaining its pace. We're already at the end of the first quarter of the year! So, here's just a little update about my life. Well, actually there's really not much happening, no adventures whatsoever. It's just me mostly thinking and doing some things with graduate school applications (#gradschoolapps). And at the moment, I'm still inside the tunnel. The end, the future rather, looks so bleak. The application process, which involves the following steps, feels like never-ending:

1. looking and researching grad programs
2. preparing the requirements for online application
3. waiting for the results
4. receiving the (dreaded) results
5. embattled/feeling down
6. moving on/starting all over again with other grad apps; and ultimately
7. being accepted in a grad program (which I'm still waiting to happen)

I'm always just in step 1 to 6 then back to step 1 again. I already received three rejections, which I can also equate to being heartbroken. It's like I have courted three programs but sadly, I'm not good enough for them. Here in the Philippines, we have a term if a guy courting a girl received "No" for an answer. He is basted and that's how I am right now, how I've been three times already. And of course, every time it happens, I can't help but feel down, undeserving, even regretting for not doing a spectacular job in college. I really wish I have a cum laude or even magna cum laude under my belt but I was just an average student (not stellar but also not someone who fails his/her subjects). Had I known that the competition for gradschool scholarships is tough, I would have tried harder. But it's too late for that. What's done is done. And I can't undo the past. But it's a lesson learned. A big lesson actually.

Though I am in an unfortunate situation right now, I'm still thankful I have a strong support system. My family, for always being there for me. My mom always reminds me to never give up and continue to keep on trying. A friend of mine told me that I can feel down and be "emo" with the results for one day but that's it; tomorrow I have to pick myself up. And last but not the least, I know that God has great things in store for me. I just have to believe and have faith because with Him nothing is impossible.

So yeah, even if it's not an easy road, even if there are bumps and detours, even if there are storms, I will carry on. I will continue with this journey and press on towards my goal. And as Bianca Piper said it, Well, I'm off to do some believin' and hopefully achievin'!

Image source here