Life gets better

It's the first Sunday of March. We're now at the end of the first quarter of the year, Time definitely flies! Today is a bright and warm day but thankfully, we have some breeze making the heat more bearable. As I'm writing, I have this back pain which started yesterday when my upper back suddenly hurt. It was bad and my mind was already thinking of the worst-case scenarios again. But I had to be mindful and control my breathing. And it indeed helped calm me down.

Anyway, onto other things... My supervisor and I have finally finished editing and revising my thesis. Yay! I just need to submit it on or before the 11th of March. I also have applied for application to admission to the doctoral examinations and I am glad my thesis defense committee is also complete. The next step is to schedule my defense and prepare for it. Also, four days from now, I will be having an online interview for a postdoc position. The research topic is not exactly the same as my PhD research but I would say, they are somewhat related. Both deal with cellular organelles and I have a strong feeling I can use my mitochondria background with the research of the group working with extracellular vesicles in the context of kidney diseases. It is exciting and I am so ready to get back to working again. I will now need to use the next three days to prepare for the interview. In my previous interviews, I've been short of specific things which I can now use as parameters in my interview preparation. I hope this interview will be a nice discussion and that I will have a good connection with the Principal Investigator and his group.

Life gets better! Hoping all of us are on track in pursuing our dreams.

My Slow-living Era & North Star

It's a nice Sunday morning. Finally, the sun is out after a couple of days of rain and gloom. The wind is blowing and it's giving me a peaceful feeling. However, in my mind, there is chaos and worries. But will I benefit anything from it if I continue dwelling on those worries? The big answer is NO. As advised by an old friend, "Focus on things you can control, not on the things you can't."

Right now, I am just thankful for the present - for this life, for finally spending some time with my parents after 6 years of being away from them, for the support of my parents because they still took me under their wing even though I am already a grown adult, and for having the privilege of getting to focus on writing my thesis in the comfort of my family home without thinking of rent, of what food I should cook, etc. This, I would say, is my slow-living era. Maybe I need to experience this to have a better perspective of my life, of where I should go, of what I truly want to do, and what steps need to be taken.

As much as I am thankful for this slow-living era, I also want to have a North Star or a dream that will guide me through life's journey.  That North Star is to finally find a country where I truly fit in, have a stable job that I love doing and which I get to do until I retire, have a work-life balanced life, get married to that person who genuinely loves and supports me (with whom I also feel the same), build our own house, start a family, spend more time in nature and traveling, create something (be it an artwork, soap, or perfume), and support my parents in their old age. 

Welcome to this shithole late 30s of mine

I've always thought life is just a continuous process - be born, go to school, graduate, work, go to graduate school (in my case), then work again, get promoted, have a family, and do all the other things we love, then die. I've always thought it's an uphill climb, of course, there are bumps on the way, but we just continue climbing up. But here I am, back to square one. Back in the Philippines, back in my hometown, and living back with my parents. It should be a nice time living with them again, after all those years of being away. But it's not easy, especially if it's been a couple of months already.

I've recently turned 37. The 30s are supposed to be the stage where one is already stable, or at least has a regular job. But right now, I am the opposite of that. I feel like a loser. Unemployed. Unfinished with my PhD. Not yet married. No kids. I feel like I am at the lowest of lows in my life right now. It's depressing. I just want to get out of this shithole. My goal is to be somewhere where not a single soul knows me and start my life all over again, on my own terms, being the person I want to be, having a job that I truly like and where I am happy and not exposed to chemicals in the laboratory, where I am surrounded by good people, having my own house, having a good work-life balance, getting to travel to new places and experiencing new cultures.

They say manifestation works, so let's see. Here's a reminder to myself,

Life gets better.