Welcome to this shithole late 30s of mine

I've always thought life is just a continuous process - be born, go to school, graduate, work, go to graduate school (in my case), then work again, get promoted, have a family, and do all the other things we love, then die. I've always thought it's an uphill climb, of course, there are bumps on the way, but we just continue climbing up. But here I am, back to square one. Back in the Philippines, back in my hometown, and living back with my parents. It should be a nice time living with them again, after all those years of being away. But it's not easy, especially if it's been a couple of months already.

I've recently turned 37. The 30s are supposed to be the stage where one is already stable, or at least has a regular job. But right now, I am the opposite of that. I feel like a loser. Unemployed. Unfinished with my PhD. Not yet married. No kids. I feel like I am at the lowest of lows in my life right now. It's depressing. I just want to get out of this shithole. My goal is to be somewhere where not a single soul knows me and start my life all over again, on my own terms, being the person I want to be, having a job that I truly like and where I am happy and not exposed to chemicals in the laboratory, where I am surrounded by good people, having my own house, having a good work-life balance, getting to travel to new places and experiencing new cultures.

They say manifestation works, so let's see. Here's a reminder to myself,

Life gets better.