Reality Bites

The problem with me is I'm getting too emotional on this. And it's not doing me any good. What's worse, I can't even confide it to anyone here, even to my friends. So I'm just keeping it all to myself. But  I guess writing them here eases my emo state a little bit. It's my blog after all. Other people can probably read it but it's impact will not be the same with the impact it'll have on the people I know personally.

So going back, I just can't help but think of him. I already miss him even though he hasn't left yet. I don't know if I'll still see him tomorrow. I'm supposed to be writing a scientific article today but my mind is just clouded of thoughts of him. All I know and sure of right now is this: I like him. But just when I realized I like someone, something goes wrong - either he's gay (this was a handsome and talented guy I fell head over heels with several years ago) or he needs to go to the other side of the world (the present one). And also, I'm just not sure if he's feeling the same way as I do. It's hard to know because sometimes we have these interesting, hour-long conversations; but at other times, when we pass each other on the hallway, there's no Hi or Hello, not even an eye contact. It's weird. There's a big chance that I'm the only one who has feelings for him, maybe he just sees me as a mere acquaintance. And reality check, I suddenly remember one of our talks, I told him, "Oh, maybe you'll have a girlfriend in the US, an American." He said, "I don't want. I want a Korean." BOOM!

By the way, his future girlfriend is a lucky girl. He's a keeper. He has the looks, doesn't smoke, not a heavy drinker, and a hardworking student. As for me? I'd like to imagine he sees me as someone special, that our friendship would blossom into something deeper but that would be living in a dreamland. I'd better open my eyes and move on with my life. But one thing that will never change is this, I will always be thankful I've met him.